The Phoenix’s Song
by a-little-lost
Summary: hiatus
1. A Mother's Prayer

**The Phoenix's Song**

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Harry Potter or most of anything else you recognize.

**A/N: **Some of you may recognize parts of this story line (or not) from my story **Gypsy Rover**. This is in fact a rewrite of that story. I found myself lost in where to go with it and how to make my story line work, thus I am starting again. I have added quiet a bit of detail and know better where it is going.

Start voting for who you want Harry to be with. I am leaning toward Harry/Severus, like I always do but I will except votes for any of the more major males (Neville, Ron, Dean, Seamus, Charlie, Bill, the twins to get one you get both, Percy, Remus, Sirius yes he is alive and free, Lucius, Severus, Kingsley, etcetera…). I will not pair Draco with Harry in any way, shape or form. I am, however, open to small group pairings.

Also the original chapter one for this story is going bye bye very soon, so if you liked it, save it.

**Prologue   
A Mother's Prayer **

_31 October 1981_

Lily potter clutched her child to her chest as evil laughter followed her panicked footsteps up the stairs. She ran into the nursery and her heart felt like it stopped when she caught a glimpse of tell-tail green light past the slamming door. She hastily threw up several of the strongest locking charms and wards she knew. They would not hold long against Voldemort's pure hatred and determination, but it would give her the seconds she needed.

She crossed to the crib and kissed her son on his forehead. "Let my love protect you, even in death." There was a sizzle of magic across her skin and she set little Harry down in the cot. She just looked at him for a moment. He was always such a good baby, never fussing and hardly every crying. His eyes though, that were so much like her own, showed all the fear he felt.

- I pray you'll be my eyes… -

"Always remember our love for you, Harry. Never fear as your father and I will always be with you."

She heard cruel laughter coming from beyond the door, "run all you like, Little Flower. The end will be the same." The wards collapsed and the door flew open. "Stand aside, Little Flower, there is no need for you to die as well," Voldemort hissed in a mocking voice.

"Never! Even in death I will defy you." Lily stood tall and placed herself between the monster and her son with her chin held high.

"Very well, _Avada Kadavra!" _Lily's body froze for an instant and then she fell in a graceless arc toppling the cot with her.

Harry rolled out of the mess of blankets and sat up. He stared up at the stranger never looking away.

"Well little one, if you are all that stands in my way then the world will soon enough bow before Lord Voldemort, _Avada Kadavra!" _The bright green light impacted upon Harry and then a brilliant white light shot back at Voldemort from the spot on Harry's forehead, just where his mother had kissed him.

The dark form crumbled to ash and the house trembled on its foundations.

-and watch him where he goes-

At almost the same moment a large man emerged from the crumbling house another man pulled up into the yard on a motorbike. "Hagrid! Tell me they are all right. Please tell me. This is all my…" He trailed off when he noticed the bundle in Hagrid's arms.

"'Fraid not, Sirius. Little Harry here is the only survivor." The large man gestured to the small bundle, made to look smaller in his massive arms.

"Harry? He is alive? Give him to me Hagrid. I am his godfather," Sirius said holding out his arms. "It is what Lily and James wanted."

"Sorry, Sirius. I can't do that. I am under orders from Dumbledore to take him and keep him safe until he calls for me."

Sirius started to argue, but thought better of it. Hagrid would never go against Dumbledore. "Take my bike then, I won't be needing it for awhile anyway."

And so he would not. In the next few hours, Sirius Black would go after the man who betrayed his friends. He would find him and then be framed for both that betrayal and the murder of twelve innocence and traitor himself. He would then be sent to Azkaban and not given a trial for several years to come…

- …and help him to be wise, help me to let go… -

_2 November 1981_

"I don't want that thing in my house!" A large man said.

"Nor do I Vernon, but you read what the old man wrote." This was from a horse like woman.

"So what do we do with It, Petunia?"

"I don't care."

"Fine, we can lock It away in the basement. There will never be a need for our precious Dudders to go down there. It can just stay there until It is old enough to go to that school and then we will be done with It."

"Fine, so long as I don't have to lay eyes on it."

XXX

_12 August 1984_

A small body huddled inside of a cage in the corner of a damp basement wrapped only in a threadbare blanket. The house was quite warm as it was early August, but the child shivered anyway and then shifted in his sleep causing a whimper of pain, but not waking.

His pain eased and his nightmares faded as a gentle woman's voice started to sing him a lullaby in his dreams as it so often did when the abuse got particularly bad and it allowed him a much needed respite. The voice chased away the sounds of angry voices and pain. Too soon the voice died and he heard footsteps on the stairs above him and curled up tighter. He knew that with those sounds came pain.

The beating he had received the previous day was not the worst he had suffered, but he was still so very sore. The cage door swung open with a loud _SLAM!_ "You little freak! You lost me my job!" He was grabbed by the arm and snatched up roughly causing him to cry out in pain. "Do you hear me Boy? You lost me my job!" He didn't understand the words, no one had ever spoken to him enough for him to learn, but the anger in the voice told him it was bad. "You did it on purpose, you malicious little brat. I have had enough of your causing problems for me and my family. You have been a thorn in my side since you were left on my doorstep three years ago and it ends now!"

Vernon smacked him hard and then effortlessly threw the child over his shoulder. It knew better than to struggle. The next thing It knew he was being sat roughly down in the back seat of Vernon's car and strapped in. They drove for what seemed like forever to the young boy, all the while he neither moved or made a sound, he knew better. He had never left the house to begin with and as he had a hard time seeing out of the window it was impossible to follow his surroundings. The sky started to darken and heavy black clouds hung low threatening rain.

It had just begun to drizzle when Vernon pulled over on a long stretch on empty road. He pulled It from the car and led him into the trees. When Vernon could no longer see the road he stopped and threw that child down.

Darkness was quick in coming to the child and soon Vernon was watching the bright green eyes go dim as life left them. He turned his back and left. He drove home with a smile on his face. Soon his family would be moving so that he could start work at his new job. They would never again have to lay eyes on the Freaks.

-Every mother's prayer, every child knows, lead him to a place, and guide him with your grace, to a place where he'll be safe. -

On the same day, far away from where the child lay slowly dieing, a tall man with a long white beard sat conversing and playing chess with a portrait as if it were a very ordinary thing to do. From time to time one of the men would stop mid-word and call out an order to the chessboard, the pieces would them move themselves appropriately. The mood was light and for a long while they had been sitting there talking of nothing more important than the everyday things that went on in the lives of various students and staff at the school. For that is where they were, and not just any school, this was a magical school for magical people.

"So tell me Albus, did you ever manage to ask Minerva to marry you?" Apparently this question caught Albus off guard because he proceeded to spit a large amount of tea onto his painted counterpart.

"Really now Armando, I hardly thing that…" but whatever it was that Albus thought was cut off by shrill alarm sounding from his desk. Albus jumped up and hurried over to a small glass orb that was pulsing a bright blue.

"What has happened, Albus?" Albus looked up and shook his head sadly.

"The wards have fallen on the Dursley house, which is where I placed Harry Potter not three years ago. The only explanation for this is either his relatives are or he himself is dead."

Albus crossed to the fire and threw a large handful of silver dust into the flames before sticking his head in. The portrait of Armando Dippet, with whom Albus had been speaking, could not hear what was being said on the other side of the flames, but he could tell by the slump in Albus' shoulder that it was not good. When the man withdrew from the fire again his face was more stricken than Armando could ever recall seeing it in life or as a portrait. "Well?"

"My contact on Privet Drive said that She just saw the boy's aunt and cousin playing in the yard, but the boy and his uncle are unaccounted for. As the boy's uncle is not blood, then I must assume that Harry is dead."

- I pray he finds your light and holds it in his heart… -

_14 August 1984_

A warm light surrounded the boy and he felt safer and more content than he could ever recall being. The sweet music from his dreams was wrapped around him like a warm blanket. For the first time in his memory he did not hurt. The pain that seemed to have always been there was simply gone and he was uncertain why.

He started at he felt a gentle hand brush the long, unkempt hair from his face. It was his instinct to recoil, as he could not remember touch bringing anything but pain. "Do not fear me, little one. I mean you know harm."

He could not understand the words, but the voice was soothing and he somehow knew what they meant. It took him a long time to force his eyes open and as he did his perception of the world changed. The world seemed sharper than it ever had.

He looked up at the man who had spoken to him and his first thought was that he was huge. He wasn't certain what the white fuzzy stuff on his face was, but there was a lot of it. "I am sorry, little one, but I am afraid that I don't know who you are bonded to or where you parents are. You are certainly too small to be without one or the other."

-

Albus shook his head. He had no doubt that the little phoenix chick was clueless to the meaning of his words, but he know what to do besides talk to it. Fawkes was a rather unique bird and had been with Albus for many years, so he sometimes took it for granted that the older phoenix knew what he was saying.

Though little was known about phoenix in general, Albus had little doubt that this one was not just a newly burned phoenix, rather a true chick and as such was incredibly rare. Albus looked up at Fawkes as if waiting for an explanation. "Well, I know he is not yours, so where did you find him and why did you bring him here?"

The bird seemed to roll his eyes at the human, but sent him a mental picture of the little black phoenix chick lying on the ground. In the image the chick looked almost dead and when he had arrived he had been totally unconscious. "So where are his parents? He seems a bit young to be bonded to a human and not with them." Fawkes just lowered his head and sent a wave of sadness to the man. It did not tell him much, but enough to know that whatever had happened had left the chick without the care he needed. "Well, he will just have to stay here then."

- As darkness falls each night remind her where you are… -

_24 August 1984_

The chick had been in Albus' care for a little more than a week. Well, in truth Fawkes had been doing most of the work, as Albus had no clue how to raise a phoenix chick. It seemed to be getting on nicely and was growing more and more each day. He no longer shied away from Albus when the man approached, even if he still seemed a bit wary.

The little bird had not yet earned a name, but few now came to mind for Albus as he looked at the little black ball of fluff. In the past few days the chick had started to sprout pinfeathers and was really looking less like fluff and more like a deformed porcupine.

Still it saddened Albus to know that already so much had gone wrong in the chick's life and now Albus had less and less time to spend with it as the school geared up for the new term. Today the last of the staff would be returning and the first staff meeting held. They would all be rather busy for the next week as they went about making sure everything was ready for the students to arrive.

Though phoenixes were rare and even more so for them to bond with a human, the few phoenixes that had been raised in captivity had always bonded to a human. Albus rather hopped that his lack of time for the chick would soon be solved and that the young bird would bond with either a professor or one of the older students.

_31 August 1984_

Since his defection from the Dark Lord, Severus had spent a great deal of time under Headmaster Albus Dumbledore's watchful eye. Over the years he had come to think of the man as a mentor and even perhaps a father figure. Thus it has become habit for him to spend the last night before term, and at least one night a month during term, playing chess with the headmaster.

So it was, that with his lesson plans finished and his stores restocked, he headed up to the headmaster's office and a soothing night of tea and talk. When he entered the office Albus was just finishing up some papers so he set about exploring the new knick-knacks that the old man had gathered over his summer wanderings.

When he walked past Fawkes' perch he stopped and did a double take. Sure enough there were now two phoenixes sitting on the perch, one far smaller than the other and with short black pinfeathers covering its little body. Severus turned to question Albus about it, but the man was still absorbed in his work so Severus just reached our and ran a finer over the little head. "Hello Little One and who are you?" The little bird cocked his head and gave a chirp before hopping onto Severus' outstretched hand. "Friendly little thing aren't you."

Though Severus Snape tended to show a cold mask to the world, even he could not resist the appeal of the mysterious phoenix, Fawkes. So he found it unsurprising that this phoenix seemed to hold just as much wonder for him.

He slowly pulled the little bird to his chest and then walked over to his chair by the chessboard and sat down. The little bird just snuggled up against the soft black material of his robe and promptly fell asleep again. He looked up from the little bird and saw Fawkes eyeing him carefully before he seemed to nod and then tuck his head under his wing and follow the chick's example.

Severus had turned back to the chick and was totally absorbed in watching the little thing sleep, thus he did not notice that Albus had at last finished his work and approached him. "I see the little one as found a friend at last."

Severus tried to hide his startle, but did a very poor job of it. "He just hopped into my arms." Severus sat back and began to stroke the little head again. "What do you mean, 'at last?'"

"Oh, he has been very wary of human contact and has not let anyone but me touch him yet. I am still unsure what happened to him, but I do know that it was bad. You seem to calm something in him and thus he chose you."

Severus' hand stilled and he looked up quickly, "chose?"

"Yes, even now he is bonding to you." Albus' eyes were twinkling madly; this was better than he could have hoped for. Severus needed a companion and what better than a creature that could never harm him and was the ultimate symbol of the light. "You are a very lucky man, my friend."

"But, why me?" Severus' eyes fell back to the chick in his arms. "I have done so many evil things, why would something so pure chose me."

"He sees what I saw when you came to me. You are not so evil as you would have the students believe."

And so it was, with little fuss and no logical explanation that Severus became the bonded companion to the little phoenix. As time passed the two would become as inseparable as Albus and Fawkes.

For the child who had never known love the years that followed were the happiest he had ever known. He didn't understand why he had changed, but it didn't matter. His human taught him many things and he grew to love the man dearly.

But alas all good things must come to an end and the time was coming that the little phoenix would have to fight the evil that had stolen his first family away to keep from loosing his new one.

- Every mother's prayer, every child knows, need to find a place, guide him with your grace, give him faith so he'll be safe. Lead him to a place, guide her with your grace, to a place where he'll be safe. –

**A/N:** Thus ends the brief tail of how Severus and Harry became phoenix and bonded companion. The song, for those of you who may not know it is _A Mother's Prayer_, it is sung by Celine Dion and appears on numerous albums included the soundtrack for _Quest for Camelot. _


	2. Sanctuary

**The Phoenix's Song**

Finally the long awaited Chapter One of this story. I hope you enjoy.

Per request I will be writing some of the time between the prologue and the start of the plot. Thus this chapter is really kind of a second prologue. Also I would still like to know whom you want to see Harry paired with.

A side note to the readers: I am a student studying the Japanese language and thus on a whim I have decided that in this story (and one of my others actually) that Severus has some Japanese background. So when I named Harry I gave him a Japanese name. Chiisai literally means 'not large' or 'small'. Used in the context as it is with the suffix 'kun' it would translate more as 'Small Child', 'Small One', or 'Small Boy'. I thought it was cute. Also you will see him called 'Chiikun' which is simply an abbreviated nickname.

I still don't own Harry Potter.

**Chapter One**

**Sanctuary**

_7 September 1984_

-I need more affection than you know (Reversed)-

Severus tried to bat the fly off his face, but it kept coming back. Suddenly there was a sharp yank on his hair and he sat bolt upright. He searched for the intruder but found none until he heard an undignified chirping next to him.

He turned and stared bleary eyed at his 'attacker'. "What are you doing over here Chiisai-kun?"

Chiisai seemed to huff before hopping towards the edge of the bed towards the clock on the side table.

Severus blinked at the numbers and sighed. "It's Saturday Chiikun, I don't have to be up as early as usual." Severus couldn't help, but to smile as the little bird seemed to sag. There was no doubt that he was an intelligent creature, but a week did not teach him all he needed to know. "Don't worry Chiikun, I'm not upset and we can get up now if you want to."

The phoenix chick tilted its head and hopped back toward the perch that sat low next to the bed. Severus still wasn't sure how much the chick could understand, but as he had talked to it almost constantly while in its presence he was sure that if nothing else it could easily pick up his meaning.

Chiisai hopped from the bedside table and onto his perch. He watched as his human slid back down into the covers and settled back to sleep. He didn't know what it was about the man, but something in his voice eased the almost ever-present fear he had felt for most of his life. Something drew him to the man. His human gave him the same kind of feeling that he got when the voice sang in his dreams.

Though the words themselves were still foreign to him, he had long ago learned to understand meanings by tone and gesture. Severus voice was almost always even, his face kind, and his manner calm. So long as there was no one else there at least. When his temper did flare up, there was still something in his manner than told Chiisai that it was not directed toward him.

Severus cared for him and would never hurt him, that was enough for the little bird.

When the sounds of almost silent snores filled the room again Chiisai tucked his head under his wing and went back to sleep himself.

-In you and I there's a new land… Angels in flight-

_28 January 1987_

When Fawkes appeared in his room one afternoon Severus at first thought that Albus needed him for something, but Severus was not the object of the phoenix's visit, but rather his mottled gray and silver counterpart.

Chiisai had been living with Severus for three years now and one was hardly ever seen without the other. The bond between the two was growing stronger day by day and Albus had told him that when mature and having gone through his first burning, at around thirteen years old or so, Chiisai and he would be able to communicate on an almost subconscious level. In the mean time Severus was certain that the still rather small phoenix could understand every word he said.

He watched his familiar tentatively flap his wings and smiled. "Finally time for flying lessons, is it?"

Fawkes turned toward him briefly and squawked. "Sorry I get it, 'Don't interrupt the teacher,' right?"

Fawkes jerked his head in the semblance of a nod and turned back to his 'student'. Severus gave a quiet chuckle and turned back to his grading.

-…my sanctuary, my sanctuary, yeah, where fears and lies melt away…-

_31 July 1989_

They had made the boy's birthday a holiday, how crass. The ministry had declared that it was only fitting for the boy who had ridded the world of 'You-Know-Who' and then died while in the care of his family. They were fools, all of them.

If the Dark Lord was dead then Severus was a flobber worm. Not that he ever said as much to anyone other than Albus or Chiisai.

Said bird was 'reading' over Severus' shoulder while the man's thoughts were lost on what he knew of the night the Dark Lord fell to a one year old. After awhile Chiisai seemed to notice his distraction and began to rub his head along Severus chin and sing a soft but uplifting tune.

A soft smile came to Severus' face and he reached up to scratch the bird's head. "I'm all right, Chiikun. I'm just thinking."

Chiisai chirped inquiringly at him.

"Oh, about Harry Potter I suppose and how one child could bring down something so evil. If I hadn't heard the prophecy myself I would never had believed it. Sill to conquer so much hate and power only to be brought down by those who should have loved him."

"To think they kept that child…" he trailed off. It hadn't taken the magical law enforcement long to find the Dursleys and question them. After a little Veritaserum they had confessed to keeping the boy caged in a basement like some kind of wild and dangerous animal. They had blamed him for all of their troubles and then beaten him to death. Severus shivered a little at the thought. His own childhood had not been happy, but what they did to that child was barbaric.

Chiisai gave a sad croon and hopped down into Severus' lap. That sounded a little too much like the nightmares he had. He could vaguely remember the humans he had been kept by so long ago and the memories were not happy ones.

Severus noticed his familiar's distress and did his best to comfort the phoenix. "Hey, it's alright. I forget that something probably happened to you too. After all it is not normal for one so young to be without parents."

Chiisai nuzzled his head into Severus' hand before curling up much like a cat in his lap. It was nice to have someone who cared and could chase away all his bad memories.

"Silly bird," Severus said lovingly and then he distracted them both by reading again.

-…music will tie, what's left of me, what's left of me now…-

_1 September 1991_

Severus watched the line of new first years being sorted and many of them watched him curiously or rather they watched Chiisai. Beside him Quirrell twitched nervously and Chiisai would hiss at the man anytime he leaned too close to Severus.

Severus and Albus both thought that the behavior was strange for the very friendly phoenix, but as Quirrell had spent several years in the presence of dark creatures they let it slide… for now.

There was a slightly more somber mood around the hall, as everyone knew that this was the year that Harry Potter should have started school. As the feast progressed Severus could hear snatches of conversation about their deceased savior.

Quirrell leaned over towards Severus again and Chiisai squawked at the man before grabbing hold of the purple turban and yanking it from the man's head. There was utter silence around the room. There defiantly should not have been a face growing out of the back of the man's skull.

_November 1992_

Severus decided that Chiisai should have long since turned to an adult phoenix's red and gold coloration rather than his current and rather odd-looking silver and pink. Had the bird been a human he would certainly have been a Gryffindor with his knack for trouble.

However the school was once again grateful to the bird for hindering trouble before it started. Who would have known that Tom Riddle had left behind a diary capable of possessing someone? And with intentions of setting a bloody basilisk loose on the school no less. Of course they had lost another Defense teacher when Lockhart managed to get himself killed while the teachers had been trying to subdue the beast, but the only other casualty had been the caretakers cat and even there it was only petrified.

Yes there was something very special about Chiisai, Gryffindor wannabe or not.

The whole school loved him and Severus could not have been prouder.

_May 1994_

Despite the fact that Chiisai liked everyone unless they were truly evil or possessed by something that way, how could the Phoenix both like and defend those two men?

Thanks to his little Gryffindor bird a couple of students had been saved the wrath of a vary angry werewolf and a convicted killer had been proven innocent. How Chiisai had managed to pull both feats off Severus wasn't sure and he wasn't about to ask Lupin or Black.

The fact of the matter was he couldn't stand either man and was still rather afraid of Lupin though he would never admit it. End the end he was still proud of his Chiikun. No man deserved the fate that those two would have suffered if things had worked out differently.

_June 1995_

Severus stood stunned. His arm burned like hell, but the sight before him occupied his mind. Chiisai had suddenly disappeared from his side during the course of the third task and now the little bird (who until then had finally started to look less like a feathery valentine and more like a phoenix) was sitting cuddled in the arms of the Hogwarts champion.

The Diggory boy looked highly upset and decidedly worse for wear. He was sputtering things about evil, dark lords, and the phoenix. Really it made very little sense to anyone save Dumbledore and Severus himself who bore proof of the boy's mutterings on his left arm.

Chiisai had obviously taken a hard hit, as he was now a baby again. A seemingly random thought popped into Severus' head and he subconsciously directed it to Chiisai. 'Told you I wasn't a flobber worm.'

_August 1995_

It had only taken Chiisai a few months to grow back into his more mature body. In that time the word of the Dark Lord's rebirth had spread and with the capture of Crouch Jr., who had been masquerading as Mad-eye Moody, it had been accepted by the ministry and public.

Albus had reestablished the Order of the Phoenix and numerous new members had joined the resistance. Severus himself was unfortunately working as spy again, but with Chiisai by his side he felt a lot less venerable than he had in the past.

There were dark times ahead and everyone was scrambling to be prepared.

Albus had confided in Severus as well as many of the other order members that there was a possibility that perhaps Potter wasn't dead. With the Dark Lord's reappearance the prophecy was as yet unfulfilled.

So the search had begun. He had not divulged this information to the ministry so it was up to the most trusted members of the order to try and find their missing savoir.

When questioned about the student registry and why Potter was not in it, Albus had stated that if the boy were no longer in Britton then he would not have been anyway. All they could do was search and hope that they found Harry before Voldemort did.

In the mean time they were also protecting the only remaining record of the prophecy. Should Voldemort find out it's whole content then they the boy, if he was indeed alive somehow, would be in even greater danger.

-…I watch you fast asleep. All I fear means nothing…-

_July 1997_

The war raged on outside the confines of the castle, but inside those who had found refuge there did their best to keep hope alive.

Chiisai and Fawkes had taken to singing almost constantly to keep the humans' spirits up. Currently though it was dark out and many of the humans were asleep.

Severus was one of them and Chiisai looked upon the man fondly. He liked to watch the man sleep. All of Severus' pain seemed to go away while he was dreaming.

Lately he had been able to feel his human more. Fawkes had told him that this would happen and that one day the two would be able to project thoughts at one another.

This thought excited Chiisai, because though he could understand human speech now his beak was incapable of forming human words. He wanted badly to be able communicate with his human with more than just gestures and chirps.

He had tried a few times to send some thought or another to Severus, but the man had not yet begun to get them. The closest he had come Severus had looked up at him curiously and then back down at whatever he had been reading. He had been rather disappointed at that, but Fawkes assured him that after he burned and fledged back out it would be much easier.

His burning would be soon too. He had already begun to molt and looked more like a ratty red and silver feather duster than a proud Phoenix.

He was a little nervous about the whole thing though. He had never told Fawkes that he could remember a time when he was human, but he knew that he would have to tell Severus. He wasn't sure how the man would take it.

Everything that he had heard over the years of living with the man told him that it was rare for humans to become animals and even then it was mostly temporary.

Did that mean he could be human again too?

_September 1997_

"Why didn't he turn gold?" Severus ran his hand over the bird in question. Chiisai was once again fully fledged, but he had remained red and silver as apposed to the traditional red and gold.

"Who knows? Phoenixes are extremely mysterious creatures, Severus, and Chiisai is no exception.

Chiisai tilted his head and wondered if perhaps it had something to do with his once being human. He looked over at Fawkes, who was watching him curiously. He turned back to Severus and looked him in the eyes. He would try again. They had still been unable to communicate, but he really wanted to know. He would not let his fear of rejection overcome him. He trusted and loved Severus. Severus was _his_ human.

He tried as hard as he could and sent an image of himself and then a small human boy. Severus blinked at him and then looked up at Albus. "I think he is trying to send me something."

Albus' smile grew bright and his eyes twinkled. "Good, concentrate on him."

Severus looked back down at his familiar and into the black eyes. There was the image again. First he saw Chiisai and then a generic little boy. "I don't understand Chiikun."

The bird seemed to sigh and then looked back at Severus. Severus did his best to concentrate on what Chiisai was sending him. The next image he got caused him to blink again.

"Okay, that really didn't make any sense Chiikun." Chiisai sent him the image again and this time Severus shook his head. "I don't…" he trailed off.

Severus looked from the bird in his lap, up to Albus, and back to the bird several times. "Wait just a second. That is not… could it…"

Had the situation not come off as serious Albus would have laughed. It was rare for Severus to be so flustered. "What ever did he show you?"

Severus looked back up at Albus and shook his head to clear it. "I think that he is telling me that he… well really it dose seem odd, I mean since when did that happen, but…"

"Severus, what did he show you?"

Severus shook his head again. "I saw a little boy and he just… turned into Chiikun."

Albus' face went blank. He looked over at Fawkes and the older bird nodded before flying over and landing on the arm of Severus' chair. The two phoenixes seemed to have some kind of exchange before Fawkes looked at Albus and projected several thoughts and images.

Now it was Albus' turn to shake his head. "Well, I'll be damned."

Severus started at the words. He had never in his life heard Albus use any sort of foul language. "What?"

"I think we just found Harry Potter."

Severus opened and closed his mouth several times before the thoughts overwhelmed him and he passed out.

-So many ups and downs (Reversed) …my heart's a battleground… I need two emotions (Reversed)… but you show me how to see, that nothing is whole and nothing is broken…-

_October 1997_

Chiisai didn't like having to spend so much time away from Severus, but his human and the others assured him that Severus was not mad with him. He had been spending a great deal of time in the company of the cat lady.

After several hours of questioning and mostly relaying things through Fawkes he had been able to convey what he remembered of his life before coming to live with Severus. Albus had assured them that it explained why he had not been in the school's registry. Hogwarts had already sensed him there as well as the fact that he was leaning. Upon checking a different book, one that had the name of all the current and past students, he had showed up as entering the school as a 'student' in 1984. As plain as day his name had been written there: 'Harry James Potter' and next to that had been the name 'Chiisai'.

No one really understood it, but Albus had a strange twinkle in his eye when he read it out loud to the others who had been present. When asked about it all the old man had said was, "Hogwarts knows her students."

So Chiisai had been spending time with the cat lady and she had been trying to explain to him how he was supposed to be able to turn back into a human. It really made no sense to him, but he kept trying.

After a month of leaning theory and concentrating he felt something inside him twitch. He concentrated on it and pushed against it. Slowly so slowly and with no small amount of pain his body began to change.

Minerva held her breath as red and silver feathers sank into pale flesh, as long black hair grew from the head, and black eyes shifted into green. There lying in front of her was a rather frail looking Harry Potter.

The boy, turned bird, turned boy was breathing heavily and shivering from the sudden cold. He groaned as he tried to move and Minerva snapped out of her revelry. She stripped off her outer robe and covered the naked form with it.

It was just a few seconds later that a distressed looking Severus appeared in the doorway and froze at the sight before him. Where once had been his phoenix familiar now was the spitting image of James Potter.

For the first time in the thirteen years that Chiisai had been in his care Severus wanted to be anywhere but in Chiikun's presence. He turned and fled. He did not see hurt green eyes follow his movements as he bolted and he did not see pearly white tears trail down the boy's face.

-Ooh... My fears... My lies... Melt away... I... I need more affection than you know (Reversed)-

Okay I know that several things would have had to have worked out differently with Harry Potter's absence, however I liked this better than trying to 'rewrite history'. You will notice that certain deaths have been omitted from this universe and thus I would like them to be blissfully forgotten in my own little world and your reviews.

Thank you for reading. Please review.


	3. Endless Pain

**The Phoenix's Song**

Really long author's note:

To answer a curious reader, yes the last chapter was mostly transition. I had originally planed to skip forward to about where Albus and Severus had there little chat about why they thought Chiisai didn't turn gold after his first regular burning. Someone wanted to see parts of his growing up so I changed my plan a little.

To another curious reader and since I forgot to mention it in the last chapter, the song was Sanctuary and it appears in the game Kingdom Hearts II. I am not sure who sings it. For anyone out there who has not played these two games and likes RPG's I highly recommend them. They have great story lines.

I'm kind of on the fence as to whether I am going to do a pairing in this story after all. If I do it will be a long ways down the road. I am still partial to slash, but I am willing to pair Harry off with a girl now if anyone would like to see that, let me know. Again this is still just a maybe, I may not do a pairing at all.

**Chapter Two**

**Endless Pain**

_October 31, 1997_

Chiisai shivered as familiar and at the same time unfamiliar hands brushed against his naked skin. It felt too strange to be touched without the protective layer of feathers between his flesh and those hands. While Poppy was no stranger, it had never been she who had administered him care before.

Everyone kept asking him questions that he had no way of answering. He knew human speech but not how to use it.

Everything about this body seemed foreign and somewhat frightening. When last he had possessed a body like this one all he had known was pain. It had been so long ago, like a fuzzy kind of dream rather than something that had actually happened. He didn't like to think about those times. He had stopped wondering why he had become a phoenix a long time ago. It was something he felt he had no control over and he was happy the way he was. Still, he was not the type to run from things. He had always looked his challenges in the eye. So when he had the chance to finally ask questions about his strange past he didn't think twice about whether or not he should ask those questions. It made him wonder if this was what regret felt like, for as soon as he had possessed this body his human had walked away from him.

Chiisai shivered again. He had not been able to fight off the chill that had settled into his bones since he changed. Poppy had said something about shock and the difference in natural body temperatures between humans and phoenixes. He didn't know what really, he had only been half paying attention.

He had closed his eyes several times, trying to find that place in himself that was the bird and not the boy. He thought he felt a glimmer of it once or twice, but each time he reached for it Poppy, Albus, or Minerva had distracted him.

He didn't like this. He didn't like it at all. He wanted his Severus and Severus wanted Chiisai. He could feel his bonded human's painful longing for him in a remote corner of his mind, but the bond was repressed in his weaker human mind. Severus didn't want him in this human body anyway. The Harry Potter that Severus had always spoken of was someone that Severus had been sure he would hate. When he was faced with the cold reality and undeniable proof that Chiisai was indeed Harry Potter, Chiisai had felt twinges of confused pain, fear, and hate travel down the bond from his human. It had been Chiisai's most painful experience since coming to this world.

Chiisai looked up at the three other people in the room and cocked his head in a way that could only be described as avian. He tried to get his point across in the only way that he had really been able to communicate with them for the last thirteen years. He stared them down.

After what seemed like hours, but was really only a few moments, they seemed to finally get his point and left him alone for the time being.

Chiisai took advantage of the silence to again search for that part of himself that was the phoenix. He sighed as a fleeting thought crossed his mind: _'The name Harry Potter always seems to bring chaos.'_

He was thankful that so few people knew who he really was.

-All the stars stream down, vanishing into the waves. Swallowed by ever-circling memories.-

For thirteen years Chiisai had been his constant companion, but in the last month that had changed. It had been Dumbledore who had brought Chiisai into Severus' life and in the end it seemed that Dumbledore was the one who would take him away.

He could still feel the bond in the back of his head, but it was weaker that it had been. It was painful to think that he would lose something that, years ago, he never thought he could have. Chiisai had loved him unconditionally and he had returned that love tenfold. He had not thought that was possible, and yet there it was.

Why did Chiisai have to be a human in disguise? If he did have to be human then why did he have to be Harry Potter? Why couldn't he have just been an ordinary phoenix? ('Ordinary phoenix', it seemed an oxymoron.) Too many questions chased themselves around in Severus' head with no answers forthcoming.

Severus decided again that he hated All Hallows Eve.

War or no, Hogwarts was still a school and Severus could hear the noise from the Great Hall in the distance. He had come to the far side of the lake to think. It was still within the school's wards and with the Forbidden Forest towering behind him, he felt safe even this far from the castle after dark.

The last quarter of the moon cast a glimmering streak across the glassy surface of the Black Lake. Even the stars winked at him from the mirror smooth surface of the water.

_The water's too calm; it's unnatural for the Black Lake._

As if his mere thought had conjured it, a gentle breeze swept across the lake shattering the perfect reflection of the sky and leaving only broken peaces from the reflected moon.

Severus shook his head. It suddenly seemed to him that his life for the past thirteen years had been like the lake just then. The water had reflected a perfect image of the sky, but the image was fleeting. Too soon reflection was disturbed and the true nature behind the image was revealed. That single moment of perfection consumed by ever changing time and tide.

The honest truth was that it hurt him more than he could ever say that he had known so little about his best friend. Chiisai was his best friend, one of the only friends he had ever known. As a phoenix he didn't have to worry about Chiisai ever betraying him, ever hurting him, ever being anything but completely honest and sincere in his unconditional love for the bitter potions master. Severus had known a great deal of pain and betrayal in his life. So many people whom he had once counted on had turned their backs on him. He knew that he was not a kind man, no wonderful hero of the light, but he had given so much of himself to the cause and what was left he had bestoed upon his mentor, Albus Dumbledore, and the one being on earth he still counted as family, Chiisai, trusting that they would keep him safe.

It was not Chiisai's fault that he was who and what he was, but part of Severus' vindictive heart couldn't help but blame 'Harry Potter' for continuing to carry out his father's cruel torment. No it was not Chiisai's fault, but Severus was having a hard time reconciling that Chiisai and Harry Potter were truly one and the same.

-Inside my eyes, the image of you passing me by flickers. In order to make amends for all the things I'm short of, I search, barefoot, like this.-

With his senses dulled as they were, Chiisai wasn't sure just how long he had been sitting there. The lights in the ward had been dimmed some time ago and he had continued to stare into the darkness. For hours he had tried to contact that part of himself that was still the phoenix, but he couldn't seem to hold onto its slippery edges long enough to change back into his 'true' form.

As far as he was concerned, Severus was the most important thing in his life and if Severus only wanted Chiisai then he would be Chiisai and forget that he ever was human at all. He sincerely wished that he had never opened his big beak to begin with.

He heard Fawkes croon softly in his sleep. He turned his head, but came up short of seeing the headboard where the older bird was sleeping. He wasn't used to having to move his body to be able to see behind himself. It was just one of many strange things about this form. Who knew that humans were so limited?

He sighed, Severus had not come back to see him yet and he was really rather depressed. His human always knew what to say or do if Chiisai was feeling a bit off. Severus was his everything. He was the light of the stars, the moon, and the sun all rolled into one. Sure Chiisai cared about just about everyone he knew, but they were not his Severus. Severus had raised him, cared for him, and treated him like an equal.

The man had been an almost constant companion for thirteen years. He wasn't sure how to act now. They might as well have ripped away his entire life when they had him change into this form. He didn't know how to be human and his most precious person was not there to comfort him.

His thoughts were driving him mad, and he was steadily becoming more and more agitated. Forgetting that he didn't know how to walk in this form he pushed himself from the bed and promptly fell, face first on the floor. His nose met the cold stone with a loud crack and he couldn't help but cry out. His first instinct was to flap his wings to right himself, but the effort was futile as he no longer _had_ wings.

He took several deep breaths to calm himself and focused on his new limbs. Slowly he brought his hands forward into a position that would have been painful had he still been a bird and used them to push himself up. When he was at last sat back on his bottom he experimentally moved his arms and legs around, getting a feel for their range of movement.

Humans did not fly, but people could walk. He decided that it couldn't be that different. He grasped and pulled, using the bed to help him stand. When his feet were under him he took a slow step and had he not still be clinging to the mattress he would have found himself on the floor again.

He heard a rather amused chirp come from the head of the bed. He glared at Fawkes who had woken at some point and seemed to find his struggles rather humorous. As he didn't know how to speak yet and no longer had a beak with which to chirp he settled on continuing to glare at his friend.

"It's not my fault that humans move that way. If you had told me about what you remembered of your past sooner this wouldn't have happened."

Chiisai sagged a little at the statement. 'But then Severus would have hated me sooner. I couldn't help that I was afraid of loosing my family again,' he thought solemnly.

"Oh, do stop being so mellow dramatic. One would think that after so many years in the dark one's presence you would be a little more resilient."

Chiisai looked up at Fawkes in awe.

"Just because you can't speak does not mean I don't know what you are thinking. You have always been a little predictable when it comes to Severus Snape. Now then…" Fawkes hopped down from the headboard and stood in front of Chiisai on the bed. "Put your legs back under you and straiten your knees out. Humans don't keep their legs bent the way we do."

Fawkes continued to coach Chiisai until the boy could walk. It was slow and he wobbled a great deal, but he was still walking.

"Now then, you know that he is a bit untrusting and that he tends to brood. I recommend that you do what you always do, stare him down until he talks to you. I know that you can't communicate with him very well yet, but the bond is still in place. Project your feelings at him and he will understand."

Chiisai could only nod his thanks to his mentor. He walked slowly from the ward and made his way carefully through the darkened halls of the sleeping castle. It was a risk being out in the open as he was. He had no ability to defend himself as a human. His bare feet were quickly becoming cold and his legs ached from the unfamiliar movement. He had to support himself against the walls and railings as he trekked toward the dungeons. Still he was not to be deterred.

He would prove himself to Severus one way or another. Severus was _his_ human. He refused to give the man up.

-"I want you by my side" even that I cannot say. Until the day this un-reaching voice reaches you.-

Severus couldn't sleep no mater how hard he tried. Maybe it was stress or maybe it was the lack of Chiisai's soft crooning as he slept, but he couldn't seem to settle. He was partly irritated at himself and partly irritated at Harry Potter for taking his companion away. It wasn't fare damn it. Chiisai was his; he was supposed to be there.

"Damn, Potters, always screwing up my life," he grumbled piteously. He knew he was being childishly selfish, but why did his Chiisai have to be their 'beloved' savior. If he had been anyone else then it wouldn't have mattered if he had remained a phoenix. These thoughts chased themselves around in his head over and over.

He really couldn't help it though, it was the first time since he had defected to Albus Dumbledore that he had let anyone get close. Damn it he could be bitter about it if he wanted to.

His woolgathering brought him no closer to sleep and eventually he gave it up as a bad job. He could have taken a potion or he could have drunk himself into stupor, but neither option seemed very appealing and he had rarely resorted to either since Chiisai had come into his life. He simply had not needed them.

He wrapped his dress robe around himself and decided that since he couldn't sleep he may as well get some work done. He idly called a house elf to bring tea and settled in to work his way through a stack of first year scrolls that promised to be inept, as usual.

He was only half way through the first scroll when he caught himself reading aloud. He had become used to reveling in his students' idiocy with Chiisai. Even without words the bird's humored chirping often translated into a mocking comment in Severus' head, those then usually found their way onto the paper.

He dropped the pin back onto the blotter and pushed himself away from his desk angrily. He looked around the room and again felt anger welling within himself. No mater where he looked he was reminded of Chiisai. The bird's presence was seen in everything from the perch in the corner to the needle fine tears and scratches on the furniture made by the bird's talons.

Severus was seriously reconsidering his decision not to use alcohol or potions when he heard a quite rapping on his door. He was suddenly struck my an old line from Edgar Allen Poe, "'Tis some visitor tapping at my chamber door; only this and nothing more."

The poem had been one of his mother's favorites. She had known it by heart and often recited it to him. Think back it was rather a morbid bedtime story, but tones of lost love and eternal torment seemed to fit his mode of the moment quite well. Indeed he was in such a dark mode that had there been a raven at his door he may well have let it steal away his soul without a fuss. It would make a rather 'poetic' end to his miserable life.

'Your life hasn't been so miserable as of late though, has it?' He cursed at his inner voice to be silent and jerked himself out of his revelry when the knock came again, slightly louder.

When he had crossed the room and snatched open the door, there was a brief instance in which he wished that it had been a raven or Voldemort for that matter, anyone or thing other than who it was. For there, standing in his doorway, was James Potter's progeny.

He had to resist the urge to slam the door in the boy's face. Feelings of betrayal and pain once again well up to the point of breaking him. He swallowed down the heavy lump in his throat and slowly stepped back to allow Potter entrance.

He refused to think of the teen as Chiisai. He simply couldn't do it. He had known for a while that the two were the same being, but seeing the knowledge made flesh was something else altogether.

Chiisai stumbled into the room past a very silent Severus. His legs were tired from the long, slow trek and he was more nervous then he could ever, consciously, remember being. He all but collapsed into the 'visitor's' chair. He didn't make a sound and could have said anything had he wanted to. He waited patently for Severus to take a seat as well, but the man seemed rather off.

Chiisai could read the man's moments and usually tell what he was thinking, but he didn't know how to judge this. He had seen Severus in almost every kind of mood imaginable, but this hesitance was new.

"I take it you had a purpose in coming here?"

Chiisai flinched back at the harsh tone of voice that was, for once, truly directed at him. Severus was trying to block his end of the bond, but no matter how he tried Chiisai could still feel the seeping pain.

The phoenix turned boy forced himself to stay clam as he met his human's eyes. He pushed all is love, fear, and longing into that look and begged Severus with his eye. He begged the man to see him, to _really_ see him for what he was and not who he appeared to be.

'Hear me! I'm here. I'm still Chiisai! I'm not going away. I haven't disappeared.'

-On that day, controlled by the enchanting smile you gave me, I felt love. Your feelings, which wax and wane like the moon, aren't visible to me-

Severus could do nothing but watch the ever changing emotions that passed rapidly behind those green eyes. For a flickering, fleeting moment he swore that he was looking at his beloved companion again, but an instant later he was faced again with the cold reality that was Harry Potter.

"I don't know why you are here, but you should not have come. Madame Pomfrey will miss you and I would prefer not to endure her wrath." Severus felt a pang of hurt that he was certain was not entirely his own.

"It is perhaps for the best if you do not come again. My position was precarious enough when you were a phoenix. I had the Dark Lord believing that you were my watcher. When it comes out that you are Harry Potter, and it will come out, then I will have a hard enough time talking my way out of it as it is. If you are still…" Severus cut himself off. The pain in his chest was growing harder to bear as the moments ticked on. He turned away from those all too observant eyes. He couldn't look at them any longer.

"Please, just go. It is already too painful to see you this way. Please do not torment me any further." Severus clutched at his chest as if it might ease the every growing ach. His eyes burned as he tried to hold back his emotions.

'I'm stronger than this! I've lived most of my life alone. I don't need him!'

He stiffened as a gentle hand came to rest on his shoulder. He had not heard the boy move. He felt a gentle push on his mind and distinctly heard, "You are not alone. I will always be with you."

Then the hand was gone. By the time Severus forced himself to turn around, Chiisai was gone.

-The shadow of a cross that was thrown away into a sea of darkness is vanishing. Deep regret that overflowed spills down, sparkling as it falls.-

Severus could not remember the last time he had cried. It was a foreign sensation and he could not stop the tears once they had started. He cried long and hard.

He did not remember falling asleep, but when he woke his face was itchy with the salt from his dried tears.

On the pillow, next to his head, Severus found a small vile of pearly liquid.

He was not the only one who had cried through the night.

-I gripped the fingers you touched and dye them with warmth. It's only with you that my throbbing heart can't be slowed. If my love which cannot be exposed is one day revealed, you'll probably be bewildered, that's the kind of you I love. Engraved in my heart are all the mistakes I don't want to repeat. No matter how I want to forget, they won't be forgotten. The pain of my heart won't disappear.-

The song is Endless Pain by Kimeru. The original lyrics are in Japanese and the above is just a translation. If you want to see the romanji or kana of the lyrics you can look for the link in my profile.

I'm not overly happy with this chapter. I cut it kind of short because it seemed like it was dragging on forever. I like to read some of the slower paced stories, but when I try to write them that way I drive myself nuts.

I know that he is one, but I don't like writing Severus as an all out ass. It is a slow process, but I promise that things will start to look up… eventually.


	4. Chapter 3

**The Phoenix's Song**

Hey guys. Long time no see. It has been more then a year since my last update. I promised myself that I wouldn't take this long again, but… life got in the way. -Ducks flying objects.- Believe it or not I have been working on this for ages. I would start writing, not like how it was going, delete the whole thing, and then start over at a later date. When I finally found a 'groove' that I liked with the chapter it only took me a few hours to write (actually writing time over a couple of days).

I am also having trouble finding songs that I think fit the story. It is important to the theme of the story, so it does cause setbacks. So in the future, if you hear a song that you think fits the mood of this story then please tell me about it. I don't care who sings it or what language it is in as long as the words fit the mood of the story.

I still don't own 'em.

**Chapter Three**

**Endless Pain **

**-Continued**

_2 November 1997_

Severus slowly twirled the clear glass vile between his fingers. It caused more than a little pain in his chest simply by knowing what it was. Phoenix tears were a rare a valuable commodity, and while the vile was small, it must have taken quite a bit of crying to fill.

His mind pondered over the facts, as he knew them: One, there was no cause for Fawkes to be so tearful. Two, animagi tended to retain some traits of their animal form; more so the longer they spent as the animal. Three, despite the fact that he was now human, Chiisai still maintained a bond with Severus, and Severus had spent most of the night crying.

These and other facts brought about the rather disturbing and somewhat relieving conclusion that Chiisai had also spent the night crying. It was disturbing in that he had not been there to comfort his friend and relieving in that Chiisai was hurting at least as much as he was.

It was a rather cruel way of thinking, but then Severus had never been a kind man. It did pain him though. How could it not? It hurt as much as it comforted. Some part of Chiisai still existed inside of Harry Potter.

He could still not fully reconcile himself that the two were in fact the same, but this one gesture brought them closer together in his mind's eye. It was a small step and one that he didn't even realize he had taken.

**_-I gripped the fingers you touched and dye them with warmth. It's only with you that my throbbing heart can't be slowed.-_**

Madame Pomfrey was not happy in the least. She had gotten up to check on her patient in the wee hours of the morning to find him gone. She was aware that he knew the layout of the castle and also knew that he had most likely headed towards Severus' quarters.

Her search proved short and fruitful. Potter had been on his way back to the hospital wing, and almost reached it before he was discovered missing. Poppy wasted no time helping him back into the small privet room at the far end of the ward. She didn't know how he had managed to sneak out past her, but she admonished him heartedly.

She was certain that he was far too weak and frail to be out and about so quickly. A phoenix's diet was simply not sufficient to support a growing teenage human.

Fawkes was nowhere to be found as she put the boy back to bed. Since he had refused to leave Harry's side, she could only assume that he knew of the boy's excursion. As far as Poppy was concerned it was simply one more to berate the next day. Severus would be her first victim though, if she should find that the boy had made it that far.

She gave Harry a sleeping draught and could only watch as he fell into a fitful slumber. The tears were not lost on her and she had and idea that they might serve a purpose.

-

Despite the sleeping draught, Chiisai had not rested at all well. His dreams were constantly fill with images of Severus walking away from him. The pain resonating along the length of the bond did not help. Why was his human so… stubborn?

His day grew busy quickly. He was made to eat far more then he thought his stomach could handle. The ever-watchful nurse then set him to doing some very strange stretches and exercises. Fawkes showed back up about that time and took the opportunity to have a good laugh at his expense.

After the exercises were done, the Nurse helped him bathe and then had him take a nap before lunchtime. He was more then a little tired from the morning's exertions, but his sleep was fitful at best. He could barely feel anything from the bond, but he imagined that Severus was rather busy with his classes, so he tried not to let it bother him.

After again eating more then was comfortable for him, the headmaster appeared with two very enthusiastic guests.

Sirius and Remus were both delighted and distraught. There was much hugging and crying had by all. Chiisai felt a small weight lift from his chest with the knowledge that he was at least not alone. It did not make up for Severus' absence, but it helped a bit.

It was explained to him that Sirius and Remus would be taking over a good deal of his care and tutoring.

Wait, that wasn't right. He understood that Severus was upset, but he was still Chiisai's human. Did that mean that Severus didn't want him anymore?

The three adults could tell that something was seriously upsetting Harry. They didn't know quite what, but a gleam in the Headmaster's eye spoke of an idea as to the problem. He was, for once, reluctant to interfere, but he knew just how stubborn the Potions Master could be.

Maybe he could just give Severus a little nudge in the right direction?

**_-If my love, which cannot be exposed, is one day revealed, you'll probably be bewildered, that's the kind of you I love.-_**

Wary of the fact that his mind was wandering, Severus had been assigning his classes written work. He did not need his inattention to result in more then the usually explosions and injuries. He occasionally looked up at the class, but for the most part he tried to keep his mind focused on the grading he was doing. Each time his thoughts wandered to Chiisai, he would forcefully push them down.

He simply could not stand to try and analyze the situation further for the time being. It hurt too much.

For him, Chiisai had been more then just a friend or companion. It was closer to having a son or brother, but that wasn't quite right either. Chiisai had been more then his family, it was almost as it the little phoenix had become and extension of himself.

Chiisai was Severus' conscience and reason. He tempered Severus' fiery personality and brought out his more 'human' side.

Severus had realized many years before that he cared a great deal for the little bird. It was a care more then he had ever felt for those few to whom he had give a place in his heart, but he had never consciously named the feeling. It simply wasn't in his nature. It was odd to think it, but it was only when 'Harry Potter' threatened his sanctuary, his Chiisai, that he realized just how much he had come to care.

Love was a foreign word to Severus, but he had to admit that the strange feeling that caused him so much pain was, in fact, love. He loved his friend, his companion, his conscience, his son, his brother… his other self.

But how could he do anything more then hate James Potter's son? How could Harry Potter ever have a place in his life beyond mortal enemy, detested student, or reluctant ally in war?

Something deep inside kept telling him that he was being a stubborn fool and reading far more into the situation then was necessary. It was telling him to remember all of the things that Chiisai was and to ignore all of his preconceived notions about Harry Potter.

At the moment he was having a hard time hearing the voice. Not because the voice was weak, but because he was too afraid to listen.

**_-Engraved in my heart are all the mistakes I don't want to repeat. No matter how I want to forget, they won't be forgotten. The pain of my heart won't disappear.-_**

An unknown force drove Severus' steps toward the hospital wing, and he had neither the strength nor will to stop himself. A horrible longing had been building in his gut since just after midday. It was not a want, but a need to see Chiisai. He could not explain it, and would not have wanted to if he could. It would mean admitting too much.

He stopped just outside of the open door to the main ward. He could see no students in the beds, but that wasn't really all that odd, especially given the circumstances. It was the small group at the far end of the ward that drew his attention.

Sirius Black, Remus Lupin, and the Headmaster were speaking in low tones. Their faces were grave and somewhat bewildered. It was only long years of spying that allowed Severus to hear their conversation.

"…but that doesn't make any sense, either. This would be so much easier if he could just tell us what's wrong," Black grumbled.

"That's not fair to him, Sirius, and you know it. He can't help it. He's only been human again for a couple of days now. Knowing how those people, and I use the term loosely, treated him…" Lupin trailed off at that.

"I do not believe that it is a lack of wanted you to teach him so much as a desire for someone else to be here," Albus stated simply.

"Who else could he possibly want?" Sirius ask, rather stupidly, or so Severus thought.

He heard Lupin sigh heavily before speaking. "Now that could be a problem. Severus isn't likely to get over his grudges any time soon."

"Snape? What does he have to do with this?"

"Really Sirius, use your head for once. Severus has been Harry's caretaker for the last several years. The two of them were extremely close. Severus' rejection of him has got to be hurting like hell." Lupin stated mater-of-factly.

The werewolf's words struck Severus hard. 'Severus' rejection of him.' For a moment Severus was indigent. It wasn't _his_ fault that Harry Potter was a phoenix… but then again, it wasn't Chiisai's fault that he was Harry Potter.

Dear Merlin, how badly had he screwed up? It really _wasn't_ Chiisai's fault that he was Harry Potter. How badly had he hurt his friend? The pain in his heart magnified until it was a crushing weight.

_I am so sorry. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry…_

The words became a repetitive mantra in his head until the world around him seemed to vanish altogether. He didn't see when the door at the far end of the ward opened. He didn't hear the small group ask Chiisai what was wrong. He didn't notice when the boy ignored them and walked as fast as he could to Severus' side.

He jerked out of his stupor as warm fingers gently brushed the tears from his face. Worried green eyes looked up at him, offering nothing but comfort. There was no accusation or anger there. They were a different shade, but all Severus could see was Chiisai in that gaze, his Chiisai.

"I am so sorry. I didn't realize…"

A rapidly shaking head cut him off, and again a warm and caring gaze met his. He felt a soothing sensation run down the bond, intensified by the physical contact. He could almost here the soothing echo of 'it's okay' in his head.

He pulled the boy to his chest and tucked the mop of black hair under his chin. "I don't blame you. It's not your fault. I'm not going to run away again. No matter what, you're my Chiisai."

The head against his chest nodded.

As Severus gently rocked back and forth on his feet in a soothing motion, as much for him as for Chiisai, he ignored the angry glare that Black was shooting at him. He also ignored the sad smile on Lupin's face and the twinkle in the headmaster's eyes.

As for Albus, he was all too happy that Severus hadn't needed that nudge after all.

XXX

A/N: Well, that came out of nowhere. Way back when I started this chapter, I was going a totally different direction with the story. Over the months since, it changed in my head again and again. In the end I simply could not stand to leave Severus a bastard for so long and Chiisai in so much pain.

So now we have this instead of what was going to be chapter three. There is still a long way to go and no telling how long it will be before I update again, but hopefully not a year or more. (I know I always say that, but let us hope that it holds true this time. I don't want to be working on this story until I'm fifty.)

The song was, as you should have guessed, the rest of Endless Pain by Kimeru.

Again, if you think of a song that might work for this story let me know.

Please review.


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